Fool's Views (6/10 – 6/23)

Back again, ladies and gents.

This week got a little more lively, especially once Artist Ensemble’s production of The 39 Steps got up on its merry feet and started trucking. Not sure what sparked the desire for an 80s ninja fix, but that was a lot of fun. With a couple independent horror efforts (one glossy, one decidedly not) to round things out, it wasn't such a bad little stretch of road.

Click on the movie titles for the full review (where applicable). As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!


HORROR:

Detention of the Dead (2012) (1st viewing) d. Mann, Alex Craig (USA)

Swamphead (2011) (1st viewing) d. Drover, Dustin / Propp, Justin (USA)




CIVILIAN:

21 Jump Street (2012) (1st viewing) d. Lord, Phil / Miller, Chris (USA)

Damn Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill for being so damn likable and talented. There’s no way this big screen update of the late 80s TV series about youthful looking cops posing undercover as high school students should have been as much fun as it was. And yet, it was.

Mystery on Monster Island (1981) (1st viewing) d. Simon, Juan Piquer (Spain/UK)

On the other hand, with J.P. Simon (the man who gave us Pieces and Slugs) at the helm, and small but worthy supporting roles from Peter Cushing, Paul Naschy and Terence Stamp, this adaptation of the Jules Verne story should have been a lot more enjoyable. Instead, it's a lazy and cheap yarn about oats-sowing callow youth Ian Sera who finds himself shipwrecked on the titular isle, with monsters that would have been booted from H.R. Pufnstuf. Manservant David Hatton’s shrieking hammy histrionics are the final nails in the coffin and on the chalkboard. Three words: Banana Gatling Gun.




CHEESY 80S MARTIAL ARTS ACTION:

Revenge of the Ninja (1983) (1st viewing) d. Firstenberg, Sam (USA)

This follow-up to Golan-Globus’ wildly successful Enter the Ninja transmogrifies that film’s villain Sho Kosugi into our peace-loving, ass-kicking hero, battling the mob and duplicitous business partners. The baddies’ plan is to smuggle heroin inside Kosugi’s handmade Japanese dolls, and they’re not above murder, kidnapping or extortion to get what they want. Impressive stunts and luscious blonde fashion model Ashely Ferrare’s no-panties-under-her-gi stylings make up for the goofy dialogue and wooden acting. That’s Kosugi’s real-life son Kane playing…his onscreen son Kane.

Ninja III: The Domination (1984) (2nd viewing) d. Firstenberg, Sam (USA)

Aerobics instructor Lucinda Dickey (yes, the star of Breakin’, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo and Cheerleader Camp) gets caught up in mystical intrigue when she is possessed by the spirit of slain evil ninja David Chung, and it’s up to shadowy good ninja Sho Kosugi to straighten things out. Loopy as hell third installment jumps the shark in a big, big way, but there’s no denying the cheeseball entertainment factor – the opening golf course scene where Chung (or at least his stuntman) kills off about 800 police officers is a bona-fide classic, as is Dickey’s seduction scene of naïve cop Jordan Bennett by pouring V-8 down her front.

Last Dragon, The (1985) (1st viewing) d. Schultz, Michael (USA)

I don’t know how this escaped me growing up, but I’m glad I waited to see it until my turkey-loving palate was refined enough to receive its full glory. Motown legend Berry Gordy served as executive producer, and the result is a mish-mash of every embarrassing 80s cliché from outrageous wardrobe choices to musical non-talents like Debarge assaulting the eardrums. The mononymic romantic pairing of gentle kung fu soul Taimak and hairspray sponge Vanity creates fewer sparks than two washrags in a wooden basin, but the scenery chewing showdown between arcade king Christopher Murney and “Shogun of Harlem” Julius Carry more than makes up the deficit. The fight scenes as Taimak pursues “the Glow” are passable, and the choice dialogue and cheapie effects sweeten the deal. Sho’ Nuff.



2013 Totals to date: 158 films, 149 1st time views, 83 horror, 48 cinema

THE WALKING DEAD (1936) movie review

Walking Dead, The (1936) d. Curtiz, Michael (USA)

A real disappointment, even for Karloff fans (and especially for those thinking they're picking up source material for the AMC zombie series). Boris stars as an ex-convict framed for murder who is then put to death in the electric chair. But as his innocence becomes apparent, semi-mad doc Edmund Gwenn brings him back to life…with a Lindbergh heart? (There’s a mildly amusing bit with Gwenn uttering, “He’s ALIVE.”) But then Karloff develops some sort of extrasensory ability to recognize those that railroaded him, and begins to show up at their places in the middle of the night.

But does he exact any kind of firsthand revenge? Nope, he just stands there while his victims freak out and fall out of windows or under trains or what have you. It’s like director Michael Curtiz and his quartet of screenwriters didn’t want to sully Karloff's character’s victim status by making him an actual villain. I’m all for suspension of belief, especially when it comes to the older genre flicks, but even a Fool has his limits.

THE UNINVITED (1944) movie review

Uninvited, The (1944) d. Allen, Lewis (USA)

While acknowledged as one of the first films to deal with ghosts and hauntings in a “serious” manner (i.e. not turning out to be a trick played upon the living by the living), those expecting to be truly frightened may be slightly disappointed by this tale of a spirit haunting the coastal English residence newly inhabited by siblings Ray Milland and Ruth Hussey. While the picture certainly has some fine moments of suspense and supernatural goings-on, viewers would do well to place it within its historical context to fully appreciate its reputation, especially since Victor Young’s whimsical score and Milland’s light-comic approach often undo any real sense of dread or horror.

That said, the acting is commendable, the characterizations interesting and believable, and the mimosa-scented atmosphere turns appropriately darker as the story deepens. Several haunted house precedents are set here: Ghostly moanings, a terrific séance scene, and a family history that must be unraveled by the living in order to let the dead rest at peace.

Perhaps not a nail-biter for the Poltergeist or Paranormal Activity generations, but still a well-told tale that does the job with good old-fashioned storytelling and character work. Script by Dodie Smith and Frank Partos, based upon Dorothy Macardle's novel Uneasy Freehold.

THE VAULT OF HORROR (1973) movie review

Vault of Horror, The (1973) d. Baker, Roy Ward (UK)

Like the previous year’s Tales from the Crypt, this Amicus anthology based upon William Gaines' EC horror comics provides a impressively solid quintet of entertaining horror yarns bound together by a laughably weak wraparound story. A building elevator takes five upper class twits to a mysterious marble-floored sitting room, so they decide to sit down and tell each other their dreams?? Puh-lease.

But the ghoulishly comic tales themselves - capably directed by Baker and efficiently scripted by producer Milton Subotsky - are loads of fun, whether it’s Daniel Massey tracking down his (on-and-offscreen) sister Anna in “A Midnight Mess,” gap-toothed obsessive Terry-Thomas driving wife Glynis Johns over the brink in “A Neat Job,” or Curt Jurgens as a magician seeking new illusions in “This Trick’ll Kill You.”

“Bargain in Death” features Michael Craig as a struggling horror writer who plans to bilk his insurance company by faking his demise, but the real showstopper is also the darkest of the bunch, “Drawn and Quartered.” In this final tale, Tom Baker (everyone’s favorite pre-David Tennant Dr. Who) stars as a brooding artist out to revenge himself against the critics and art dealers who have done him wrong.

Long missing on DVD, Vault finally popped up in 2007, paired with (naturally) Tales from the Crypt as part of MGM's Midnight Movies series.

Fool's Views (5/27 – 6/9)

I know, I know, I'm working on it...

Howdy troops,

It has been a very slow summer, movie-wise, for the Doc. If it weren’t for blood brother Doug Lamoreux and my unerring dead-ication to the Kryptic Army, I might not have sat down in front of the magic window at all. Strange days, indeed. However, with my two horror mentors goading me on, I managed to knock out a few “classic” Japanese sci-fi features, as well as a couple undead flicks with a twist. Not to worry, we stepped it up a bit in the weeks that follow, so stay tuned...

Click on the movie titles to be taken to the full reviews. As always, feel free to leave your two cents worth – we’ll make sure you get some change back.

Enjoy!

HORROR:

Aaah! Zombies!! (aka Wasting Away) (2007) (1st viewing) d. Kohnen, Matthew (USA)

Habit (1995) (4th viewing) d. Fessenden, Larry (USA)

Menace from Outer Space (1956) (1st viewing) d. Morse, Hollingsworth (USA)

I leave this to Movie Mis-Treatments, because it’s silly and they do it justice. http://www.movie-mistreatments.com/Menace%20From%20Space.html




KRYPTIC ARMY JUNE ASSIGNMENT: FLAG DAY (FOREIGN HORROR)

Gamera: Super Monster (1980) (1st viewing) d. Yuasa, Noriaki (Japan)

Gorath (1962) (1st viewing) d. Honda, Ishiro (Japan)

Warning from Space (1956) (1st viewing) d. Shima, Koji (Japan)

And I'll let the good folks at AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SCIENTIST! tell you about this one because there's no point in trying to improve upon perfection... http://www.aycyas.com/warningfromspace.htm


2013 Totals to date: 151 films, 143 1st time views, 81 horror, 48 cinema

HABIT (1995) movie review

Habit (1995) d. Fessenden, Larry (USA)

The vampire of legend is eternal, and his cinematic brethren are equally durable and widespread. Even before the post-millennial pop culture phenomena of Twilight and True Blood (among others) but especially in their wake, it’s always been refreshing and rewarding to encounter an undead feature possessing a genuinely grounded and unique interpretation. Sam (played by writer/director Fessenden) is introduced recovering from the sudden death of his archeologist father, but it’s clear that life has not been going well for a long time. His longtime girlfriend Liza (renowned solo artist Heather Woodbury), troubled by his general aimlessness, has recently moved out. He has few interests or friends; those that he does have, like Rae and Nick (Patricia Coleman, Aaron Beall), cluck disapprovingly behind his back.

Into this bleak existence enters Anna (Meredith Snaider, magnetic and sensual in her only screen role), a classy and together mystery gal who sets her unassailable gaze on Sam during a Halloween party. Before long, the two are enjoying public sexual assignations, encounters that end with him alone—bewildered and bleeding—come the morning sun. As their relationship blooms, our hero grows more sickly and wan, leading him to wonder about his paramour’s true nature.

What is Habit really about? Vampires? Alcoholism? Addiction? Urban disconnectedness? The oppressive, nameless fears of metropolitan life? Sex? Disease? Or is it about Mars, Venus and the great chasm between the sexes? The answer is yes to all of these and more.

The script is wildly ambitious, with wolves running loose in Central Park, a shattered fire hydrant showering an auto accident’s aftermath, late night strolls passing racy photography shoots (a restaging of Nelson Bakerman’s Wall Street Nude Project), etc. The film possesses a modern timelessness (excepting the diner scene’s giant mobile phone), more concerned with character than plot. Some might complain about the leisurely pace, about whether we really need to see Sam cleaning out the litter box or pour his two cups of coffee into a saucepan for reheating, but each scene has its rewards, especially upon repeat viewings. If there is a scene that deserves excision, it’s the unnecessary third-act confrontation between Sam and Nick, lousy with on-the-nose discussions of whether or not Anna is a vampire (the only time the word is used) and needless exposition about Sam’s financial status. It’s a rare misstep, but it’s a doozy.

In the nearly two decades since Habit’s release, Fessenden has established himself as a proud independent godfather of sorts, his company Glass Eye Pix fostering such rising talents as Ti West (The Innkeepers), Glenn McQuaid (I Sell the Dead), James Felix McKenney (Satan Hates You) and Jim Mickle (Stake Land). He continues to direct (Wendigo, The Last Winter, Beneath) and act (lending his memorable mug to four to five screen roles each year), and seems content to thrive outside the Tinseltown web of wheeler dealers. Long may his indomitable spirit thrive, trumping high throttle studio machinery with the power of a simple story well told.

DIARY OF A MADMAN (1963) movie review

Diary of a Madman (1963) d. Le Borg, Reginald (USA)

Vincent Price takes a brief respite in his parade of Roger Corman-directed Edgar Allan Poe adaptations to strut his stuff as a French attorney advised to take up sculpting to relieve his tension. He begins to come under attacks from the “Horla,” a disembodied malevolent parasitic force that renders its human host helpless, forcing him to perform unspeakable acts of violence and immorality.

As Price begins his art therapy (turns out the Horla was also responsible for his last client’s murders and suicide), he falls for beautiful – and married – model Nancy Kovack, who decides to leave her pauper husband for greener pastures. But the Horla has other plans.

While Diary benefits immeasurably from Price’s and Kovack’s presence, as well as some truly unexpected shock moments (naked flesh beneath a clay bust, violent stabbings), it also overstays its welcome by at least 10 minutes. Additionally , the "green glowing eyes" gambit as the Horla takes over its victim falls firmly in the “hokey but fun” category. Still, enjoyable overall. Scripted by Robert E. Kent, based on stories by Guy de Maupassant.

BLACK SHEEP (2006) movie review

Black Sheep (2006) d. King, Jonathan (New Zealand)

As surely as Peter Jackson drew inspiration from childhood idols Willis O’Brien and Ray Harryhausen, writer/director King’s admiration for his fellow Kiwi filmmaker’s early madcap horror/comedies is apparent in nearly every scene. Much like Bad Taste and Braindead (aka Dead-Alive), the characters are drawn large and loud, then inhabited by appealing, offbeat actors.

Nathan Meister plays Henry, a New Zealand sheep baron’s younger offspring waylaid by a chronic fear of the woolly ones due to childhood trauma at the hands of his sadistic, bullying elder brother. Now grown, Angus (Peter Feeney) has moved into genetically engineering his ovine, the fallout of said experiments resulting in the most ill-tempered baa-baa’s ever to graze a hillside.

Of course, the joke of turning the proverbial docile lamb of the field into a homicidal carnivorous beastie is the basis for King’s black comedy, but thanks to Jackson’s Weta Workshop, audiences are also treated to several half man/half sheep monstrosities and a trough-full of off-color intimations that Angus’ contributions to his work may extend beyond just his brainpower.

Directed with verve and performed with shear abandon, this may not be a classic for the ages, but it’s undeniably delightful summery fun.

GOD TOLD ME TO (1976) movie review

God Told Me To (1976) d. Cohen, Larry (USA)

Less manic and tongue in cheek than his other horror efforts, writer/director Larry Cohen’s gritty modern fable focuses on NYC cop Tony LoBianco investigating a spree of murders – each one committed by an individual who confides “God told me to” as justification for their acts. A deeply spiritual man, LoBianco finds his faith buffeted by these irrational yet undeniably linked incidents, and as he digs deeper, he discovers that he himself could very well be an integral piece of the mystery.

Cohen’s story ultimately raises more questions than it answers – not always a bad thing – and when extraterrestrial abductions are introduced along with a cult of religious zealots, things start to come off the rails a bit. But if you’re looking for a challenging piece of low-budget horror, you could do a lot worse.

Comedian/performance artist Andy Kaufman has a small role as a police officer, and fans will also recognize genre regular Richard Lynch beneath his glowing robes.

While widely available on many “public domain” box sets, Blue Underground’s release provides the most complete version of the film, along with an engaging Cohen commentary.

AAAH! ZOMBIES!!! (aka WASTING AWAY) (2007) movie review

Aaah! Zombies!! (aka Wasting Away) (2007) d. Kohnen, Matthew (USA)

When a batch of super-secret-super-soldier-super-serum takes a tumble off a military truck, coming to rest next to a bowling alley’s tastee freeze mix, the delicious soft serve becomes a brain mush mainline for a young quartet of friends. A novel bit of apocalyptic stage setting, but director/co-writer Kohnen’s clever little zombie comedy earns big points for hitting upon an original take in an increasingly tiresome subgenre by taking us behind the eyes of the shamblers themselves.

Do zombies know they’re zombies? Our infected heroes look at their surroundings – which are now moving very, very fast – and see a world gone mad. Everyone they encounter either runs away in terror or tries to savagely kill them, not to mention the fact that human flesh and gray matter have now become irresistible. They discuss the puzzling situation calmly and rationally amongst themselves ... conversations that amount to so many moans and groans to the living inhabitants they encounter. Viewers are given both sides of the equation, as Kohnen flips back and forth between the “real” world shot in black and white with the infected viewpoint in vivid color. It’s an enjoyable conceit, one that carries the day through what turns out to be a fairly routine undead teen horror/comedy.

The foursome is played with great enthusiasm by studly meathead Matthew Davis (The Vampire Diaries), his brainy lady friend Julianna Robinson, shy nice guy Michael Grant Terry and cute blonde Betsy Beutler. While all have their moments, Terry and Beutler’s unconventional courtship stumbles off with the movie thanks to the pair’s hilarious lack of vanity and equal degrees of likability on both sides of the undead fence. If you’ve ever wondered what a passionate zombie makeout session would look like, look no further.

I would have preferred the Kohnen screenwriters (Matt and Sean) had resisted the comic antics of a third act bowling competition between drunken league players and Davis and Terry’s decomposing duo – a plot device that makes no sense and only elicits a few cheap laughs – but overall this is a refreshing and sadly unsung independent effort with brains and heart in all the right places.

Look past the terminally lame distributor title (seriously, whoever came up with that one needs to be punched in the throat right now) and enjoy.

DETENTION OF THE DEAD (2012) movie review

Detention of the Dead (2012) d. Mann, Alex Craig (USA)

From the title alone, you know if this is your particular flavor of undead gutmuncher. Working alongside director Mann, Rob Rinow adapts his stage play for the screen and earns deserved kudos for opening it up beyond its primary library confines. But where the film is lacking is in its lack of ambition – the elevator pitch of “The Breakfast Club meets Shaun of the Dead” is all good and fine, and the two adapters meet the mashup requirements with gusto, but it never achieves the heart of either of its inspirations, content with spoofing without innovating.  (The lackluster tagline of "When there is no more room in Hell, the Dead go to Detention" is indicative of the no-net play in store.)

The good news is that Mann has peopled his cast with capable performers who lend some welcome personality to the (intentionally?) thinly drawn stereotypes. Jacob Zachar plays our unlikely nerd hero, ably matched by cool goth girl Alexa Nikolas. Preening screaming cheerleader Christa B. Allen wants her ROTC candidate boyfriend Jayson Blair to defend her, while stoner Justin Chon and jock Max Adler just want to board and bash another day. Predictably, these disparate characters with their inherent share of conflicts ultimately band together against the common enemy shambling the hallways, but there’s plenty of time taken for each character to reveal they are more than meets the eye. In some cases this works, but we hear more quip-heavy jabbering than is necessary or desired whilst waiting for the next undead insurgence.

My biggest problems with the film are twofold. For starters, it has a terminal case of the insider cutes. All the students are named after horror characters (Ash, Brad, Janet, Eddie, Willow, etc.) and they hole up in – wait for it – the Savini Library. Wah-Wah. Zachar and Nikolas, being the “weirdo outsiders,” are of course the resident zombie geeks well versed in the genre tropes. (Wouldn’t it have been more interesting to have the jock or the cheerleader know a few things?) But more importantly, in spite of special effects designers Daniel Aaron Phillips and Troy Holbrook’s best sanguinary efforts (and there are some ghastly grinners in the mix), the film is toothless, lacking any lasting impact.

Detention is fun in a very generic way, and for that it serves as a more-than-competent time-waster, but sitcom humor and paper-thin machinations are all Mann really seems capable and/or willing to offer. In an overcrowded field like the zombie subgenre, this horror fan is hungry for more than just efficiently polished filmmaking and half-hearted homage.